I felt as though I were an alien landing on some deserted building site on the distant planet of Men. Surrounded by dust, cranes, and concrete, wrapped in extreme heat I could see hundreds of them. Men in coloured overalls.
They noticed me immediately, receiving me as I imagine American troops welcome pop singers in far away conflict zones, far from home and starved of distractions. I felt the instant relief in their eyes, as though they had suddenly escaped their jobs, to inexplicably find themselves in a kingdom where we are all the same, humans.
Finding a young woman staring at them through the fence had probably started just a chemical reaction in their bodies but I could feel some kind of peace that calmed us all down while it morphed into a disturbing shape. The prolonged gaze we shared grew heavy, making me uncomfortable.
I could sense lots of pressure building all around me, dictating how I should behave. It was a question of staying put, extending the moment, or returning to the bubble I had stepped out of only moments before. I decided to stay, to experiment further with this awkward moment that triggered unbearable emotions. I would talk to them and photograph them, to remind myself of this internal dilemma in the future. I would carry photographs, mementos, but I knew that my presence could only ever be ephemeral for the men in the overalls. I would be a memory, an event they would question, like a dream… wondering if it ever really happened, if I was ever there on the other side of the fence.
I wanted to share a moment of pure honesty with them, by their side, because it was all I had to offer. And very quickly, it all become too much, and I broke down without realizing what was happening. Standing before dozens of men, crying, for the first time I had to face the difficult reality of their lives with my own eyes, unfiltered by any media or corporate agenda.
Just as suddenly I felt sorry for displaying such a pessimistic attitude, even though it was the purest, most honest feeling I had at that moment. Feeling pity not for what they do but for the way they have to do it, and for the excuse we have created to justify ourselves, floating in our bubbles without ever looking further than our own immediate concerns.
And then I felt ashamed of being human, wandering the planet of Men.
